I'm Dying...

I need to get something off my chest.

I've been in denial about something for a long while now... but I now realize I need to try and accept it.

After spending an hour yesterday at the Beacon Medical Centre Chemotherapy Unit, the reality of it all finally hit me.

I'm dying.

Yes. You read correctly.

But let me back up a bit.

I was at the medical centre yesterday to visit an ex-colleague of mine while he was undergoing a chemo session for stage-four pancreatic cancer. He’s only a couple of years older than I am.

We talked about something that really got to me… and I haven’t been able to shake it since.

What is it that deludes us into thinking we are able to control our mortality? Or our fate? Kismet? God’s Will? Whatever you’d like to call it.

We sign up for expensive life insurance and health insurance schemes, which is a sign that we're probably mildly aware of the inevitable, eventual mortality of us all. And yet somehow we think that it can't happen... not just yet. We’re so confident we’ll be around to see next year that we spend all of this year planning that trip, so certain that we'll see next week that we plan birthday celebrations ahead of time, and so sure that we’ll wake up the next morning so we can do all the things that have been planned for the day. How is it that we're so convinced that our time can't be up just yet?

But this post isn't about the morbidity of death. It's about the 'Carpe Diem-ism' of living before the One who IS in control of your life decides that your time is up. Because that time could be a year from now, a month from now, or five minutes from now.

So often we laden ourselves with the fear of things going awry later on in life because we're worried about it being the wrong time to make a decision that we won't just close our eyes, open our hearts, and take that leap of faith.

So if not now, then when? When will it be the right time to start LIVING?

Because I’ve just realized I’m dying.

And I’ve got news for you. In case you didn’t know it, you’re dying too.

We just don't know when.